dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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