I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
