just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
