Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
