yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
