fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
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