I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
