Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
two words: eviction party
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
