Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
