The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
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