u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
