this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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