do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
