I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
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thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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