dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Randomize
