so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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