I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
