I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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