he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
