We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
