i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
