It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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