yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
We're too hungover to prance.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
