How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
