I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
