I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
