Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
So much rum. So many feels.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize