Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
