fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I want to be your penis for a week.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Can you bring me the toilet please
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
