is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Everclear isn't food dammit
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
