Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
