What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
