Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
