sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
