My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
