you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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