No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
