yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
