I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize