Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
