so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
