haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
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