I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
