the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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