Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
