i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
