We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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