are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
