I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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