When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I lost the right to judge tonight
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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