Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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