my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
