I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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