we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
