I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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