You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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