whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
