Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
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