he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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