The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
