there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
