Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
