I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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