I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
We're not piercing ourselves today.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
