He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just forgot I was standing up.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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