I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
So vagazzling was a success
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
