I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I have tasted many bathrooms
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I see more hoeing in ur future
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