I skipped work to stalk him.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i dont even know how to be here
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
