Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I just found a bag of teeth...
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
