Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
