Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
