I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
